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© 2005 Katt Thrasher Original music and lyrics by Leslie Fish This is up here because this actually made me laugh as I read through it. It's probably the only one of the parodies I've written that's ever actually done that. The original, "Space Hero", has appeared on a couple filk albums and is a satirical piece about the "wonders" of being a space marine. Mine is a satirical piece about the "wonders" of volunteering to work a convention, or, in other words, "gopher". I would like to mention now that not I nor anyone I know (to my knowledge) has ever had a bad experience gophering at a con. So don't let this silly thing dissuade you from ever stepping up to gopher. Cons run on their gophers. Yes, the concom and other offical people get the con off the ground, but it's the volunteers that keep things running smoothly (at least in my experience). Do you wanna be a gopher at the con? Do you wanna be a gopher at the con? High adrenaline, higher stress And registration is a mess, But you're gonna be a gopher at the con. Do you wanna wear a ribbon and a badge? Do you wanna wear a ribbon and a badge? Blazing red as Heather's hair, They'll help us spot you anywhere, So you hafta wear a ribbon and a badge. Do you wanna rise as early as the birds? Do you wanna rise as early as the birds? Well, with the schedule you must keep, You won't ever get to sleep! So you won't hafta rise as early as the birds. Do you wanna eat exotic "space cuisine"? Do you wanna eat exotic "space cuisine"? Rubber pork and brick-dust bread, Hotel food that sits like lead— So much for our exotic "space cuisine". Do you wanna play the latest card games made? Do you wanna play the latest card games made? A stellar cast that levels fast— Too bad, you've got your gopher tasks, So you cannot play the latest card games made. Do you wanna meet some gorgeous fannish dames? Do you wanna meet some gorgeous fannish dames? Well, at a hundred cons or more, There are only three or four, And that's all you'll see of gorgeous fannish dames. Do you wanna test the con's security? Do you wanna test the con's security? If you've no badge and try to pass They'll take a stun gun to your ass— Perhaps you'd best not test the con's security. Do you wanna further happiness research? Do you wanna further happiness research? Between the surveys old and new And angry fen bitching at you You will surely further happiness research. Will you be bright and chipper Monday morn? Will you be bright and chipper Monday morn? Well the odds are good that you Will pass out for a day or two, So you will be bright and chipper Wednesday morn! "Gopher" is a six letter word— "Gopher" is a six letter word. Just another term for "slave", Just as "dumb" can be for "brave", Yes, "gopher" is a six letter word. "Gopher" is a six letter word. |
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